The 2 Week Pre-departure Madness Before Solo Traveling
Seoul, South korea (december 2022)
As soon as I started re-packing my life into 2 large suitcases, one carry-on, and a backpack I looked around my hostel room and thought I’ll be back here.
While in those moments I was specifically manifesting my return to South Korea after 4 months of living abroad, what I meant was immersing myself in a completely new culture, in a new country, and trying to soak up as much experience as I can.
Originally, I wanted to “conveniently miss” my return back to San Francisco and extend my study abroad for a full year. The second option was to return to Seoul that following summer.
Unfortunately at the time, my bank account took a little longer to recover from my 4 months of unrestricted culinary purchases. Even though the US dollar had significantly more mileage in Seoul than in the San Francisco Bay Area and UC Santa Barbara area, the additional 30 pounds of skincare products I lugged across the Pacific Ocean was too much for my worn-out wallet to bear.
the build up
I decided to look toward Summer 2024 as the time to travel, as I could tell my family that I was celebrating my graduation from college. And thus, with more money saved up, I realized I had more than enough to visit South Korea.
I might as well spend some extra time in Asia since the most expensive costs were the transpacific departure and return flights. Plus, when would the next time I’d have the opportunity to travel without the worry of accumulating PTO?
I cemented these plans on December 31, 2023, by purchasing a non-refundable, basic economy flight to Seoul, South Korea on July 5th— a little over two weeks after my college graduation. The bare minimum amount of time it would take for me to spend quality time with family, unpack my undergraduate life neatly stored in blue IKEA bags, and repack it into a carry-on and backpack.
Those 2 weeks
The day after I moved back to Oakland, Califonia I began unpacking my college belongings and unboxing my new travel items. Admittedly, it was overwhelming attempting to reconfigure my childhood room to fit my college aesthetics. I had been extraordinarily anxious about graduation and what was to come afterward since the start of my senior year, and now that officially an alumnus it’s hard to grapple with all that’s happened.
I spent a significant portion of my first week laying low: spending as much time with my family and dogs as possible, while allowing myself some breathing space before embarking on my self-proclaimed farewell tour.
The itinerary goes as follows:
- Tuesday Flight from Oakland to Las Vegas
- Tuesday-Friday Visit my Popo (maternal grandmother) in Las Vegas with my mom
- Friday Flight to Santa Barbara, Amtrak to Moorpark
- Friday-Sunday Visit my college bestie and attend her graduation party
- Sunday Amtrak to Santa Barbara, flight to Oakland
From walking across the graduation stage, packing up my apartment belongings, and a multi-city trip, my goodbye to California began.
Las vegas
My Popo had a health scare in early May, calling all hands on deck among my cousins, aunts and uncles to fly to Las Vegas to wish her good luck for her two surgeries in the hospital. Devastating, yet all the more necessary conversations about nursing homes, hiring a caregiver (which for an independent Chinese elder is a huge blow to their pride), and even discussing do not resuscitate options if dire emergency were to occur (again). This was the first time I had truly recognized the privilege of my youth and the finite time I have with my grandparents.
Those days with my Popo, with my self-imposed distance from social media, passed too quickly. While her health was significantly improving throughout the weeks and her appetite was improving, the fact still remained that she lives independently and gets lonely.
When I was younger, I didn’t enjoy it when Popo came to Oakland to visit us. I know, I was a terrible kid. She’d constantly talk to herself, walking through the hallways, in the kitchen while washing dishes, while sitting at the dining table with me during snack time. At first, I thought it was just Cantonese gibberish and then it became something I tried to drown out with American music.
As a teenager and current young adult, I knew she was lonely. She said it all the time. But it wasn’t until I saw her lying in the hospital bed that I realized how long she had endured her loneliness for the past 16 years. Her talking to herself helped fill the void of the empty house she occupied— her husband (my grandfather) had passed in 2008, and her 3 children who left the house decades ago to start new lives of their own.
Here Comes the Anxiety!
Leaving Popo’s house, I cried. I cried for her. For myself. I longed for those blissful days of just us— grandmother and granddaughter. Who would be there to give her a warm hug to communicate “I love you so so much” across our language barrier?
The thing is— I wasn’t sure when I’d next see her. I didn’t know how I’d communicate with her while abroad either (iPhones are a bit difficult for her).
I honestly contemplated if I was overselling the beauty of international travel. Was I just running away from real-world adulting and hoping that a 6 month trip abroad will absolve the glaring question marks of my future? Was I selfish for going abroad?
There is something out there— one pivotal existential self-realization or another— that makes the years of hard work to self-fund this trip and months apart from my family worth the sacrifice. I just don’t know what it is yet.
Southern California
During my flight and train ride to Thousand Oaks I researched various articles and listened to an episode from my favorite podcast, The Financial Feminist, surrounding myself with as much anecdotes from solo travelers. Attending her graduation party and being surrounded by a generally younger crowd of recent graduates and middle aged parents and hearing their affirming “Yes, that is so exciting for you!” “I wish I did that at your age” helped cement my decision to travel. My college friends are I are in the situation of trying to get a sharper image of what our fuzzy future could look like.
Back in Oakland
Once I returned to Oakland on Sunday night, I had exactly 5 days to unpack from my trip and repack my essential items for the next 5 months. Sound familiar? It’s honestly difficult to recount those last 5 days of normalcy— like indulging in a longer shower the night before my departure. I tried to savor as much time as possible with my dogs, parents, and extended family but my departure day arrived quicker than I expected.
Was it strange that I was slightly dreading my departure when I was the one who booked my entire itinerary? All of this was solely my choice. But the Claudia from two years ago had the undying resolve to travel again, so it would be a shame to not honor those wishes… right?
somewhere above the pacific ocean
I’m nervous. I’m a little more than slightly anxious. But I’m also excited. My excitement has been compounding by the hour throughout my 10 hour flight, slowly unwinding the bundle of anxiety looming over my brain.
My Popo offered the departing words “Don’t make me miss you” as I left Las Vegas teary eyed with a stuffy nose. And so, I’ll try to do the same for those of you who read this blog. I’ll stay in touch and offer a lens into my journey so you don’t miss me too much. The next time you hear from me, it’ll be from South Korea!
Xoxo,
Claudia
